Gump's Law

Style Points in Football?

2006-11-12T15:03:00.000-08:00

For any of you following the college football national championship race, you have consistently heard commentators speak of style points being important to whoever plays in the championship game. I generally think the BCS flawed, but the idea that a team has to win 'stylishly' proves that the BCS is also ruining football. Do you think the great Nebraska, Alabama, Oklahoma, Army, and other national championship games from before the BCS won because of style points? The Bear is probably rolling over in his grave (kinda like his team is rolling over in games this year) just at the thought of having to have style to win a national championship.
Since style points have become so important, however, I want to note a few style points that have been overlooked but are nonetheless important in today's football world:
1) Cleats that are the same color as team jerseys. Talk about stylish, when Tennessee wears orange cleats to complement their orange jerseys, pants, undershirts, and underwear, they are racking up some serious style points regardless of the score or how many times their band plays Rocky Top.
2) Coaches wearing 5 shirts. If you have seen an Auburn game lately, you should have noticed that Tommy Tuberville wears a vest, a short sleeve shirt, a long sleeve shirt, an undershirt, and 3 other shirts while he walks up and down the sideline. Very stylish. Too bad they did not beat Georgia.
3) Braids hanging out from under the back of the helmet. In years gone by, these would be used to tackle these players but in today's modern age of style points, they may help teams reach the national championship.
4) Unsportsmanlike penalties. Are there any greater shows of 'style' than when a player does a dance in the endzone or high steps into the endzone or spikes the ball in the endzone? In light of the current emphasis on style points, I think we should replace the unsportsmanlike penalty with a judging system that awards points to the most stylish moves after a touchdown. This would be a good place to use the replay system: the guys sitting in the booth don't seem to be able to get many calls correct, probably because they are too entertained by the players' stylistic celebrations. Instead of making them review such meaningless things as whether a player scored or intercepted the ball or was down, we could give them scorecards to judge which players had the best post-play celebration and then award points to their team based on the judges decision.
In my book, style is when you play quality opponents and actually win; not when you play a team that is 2-20 over the past 2 seasons and beat them 77-0. Unfortunately the football pundits don't see it that way. Lets hope their ideas go out of style and we can return to football being about winning and losing.

Craft Shows Are Hazardous to Men's Health...

2006-11-04T14:20:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of months, I have attended 2 crafts shows with my wife. They were held in arenas and were generally enjoyable. I was one of 3 men who were not vendors at both of these shows. My goal in attending each was simple: walk with my wife, pretending I was interested in the jewelry, clothes, and and other booths while keeping my eye out for the food related booths. Both shows featured mom and pop organizations which cooked pies, dips, and other assorted sweets; nearly all of these booths also featured free samples.
I freely admit that I was there for the free samples; I was not the only person there for the food, however. I could identify the food booths very easily: they were the ones with a flock of women surrounding them. I generally limit myself to sampling each dip or food type one time; apparently, craft show women do not share my restraint. At each booth, I watched more than one woman sample each thing 3 or 4 times and, it should be mentioned, most of them did not buy anything and the same woman could be seen doing the same thing at other booths later.
Another characteristic that these women shared was that they lacked all social grace when it came to getting to the free samples. As one of the few males there, I felt like I should be courteous and wait my turn in line for samples; in doing so, I became a doormat. I would literally wait in line for a minute or two, finally get an opening to walk up to the booth, and a woman in a sweater with the words "World's Best Grandmother" or "Ask Me About My Grandkids" would cut me off, lowering her shoulder to push me out of the way, and then ignore the fact that I was trying to reach around her to get to the food. I didn't want to ask her about her grandkids, I wanted to tell her grandkids about their jerk of a grandmother.
Before these two shows, I always assumed that men did not attend such things because they lacked interest and had better things to do. After attending the shows, I realized men don't attend because most of us have qualms about hitting, pushing, or shoving women while women have no such qualms about hitting, pushing, or shoving men or women or children to get to free samples.
So guys, if you do decide to go to a craft show with your wife or girlfriend, a few words of advice: 1) Do try the food because it is delicious; 2) Don't expect to get any courtesy from anyone other than the person you came with; 3) Get behind the sweetest looking old lady you can when approaching a food table because I guarantee you she will shove her way to the front; and 4)Wear a cup because that same little old lady might throw an ill-placed elbow while you are following her.

West Virginia-Louisville Thoughts

2006-11-03T06:32:00.000-08:00

I was completely surprised by this game. I thought Louisville would be handily beaten and that WVU would be a virtual lock for the BCS championship. I was happily surprised, however. After watching the game, I thought I was watching a PAC 10 game: all offense and no defense. This game merely proved what I have long thought: neither team plays anybody worth a crap (including each other). If they had, their defenses would not have been so highly vaunted coming into the game. I read columns which predicted a defensive battle because of statistics from prior games; those statistics were exposed as completely false. WVU has no passing defense whatsoever and Louisville's defense only won because WVU kept shooting themselves in the foot by fumbling.
I am hoping that this game will give some voters pause in annointing Louisville the presumptive BCS title game contender (they may lose next week to Rutgers, a.k.a. the powerhouse State University of New Jersey; just their name strikes fear in my heart). Ohio State's or Michigan's offense would make Louisville's defense look like a high school squad (pretty much like WVU did when they could hold onto the ball) and, here is the kicker, both Ohio State and Michigan actually have a defense, one that would demolish Louisville's offense.
After the game, I thought that the commentators had largely backed off their claims that the winner of this game, who lets be honest they all thought would be WVU by wide margin, was a lock for the BCS championship. I think they were surprised by how weak both teams looked on defense and maybe questioned their previous rhetoric that the Big East is a powerhouse conference on par with the SEC's and Big 10's of the world. I certainly hope so. While I would enjoy watching the Big East champion get buried by Ohio State or Michigan, I would enjoy a close game between the SEC champion and the Ohio State-Michigan winner even more.

Debates Last Night

2006-10-31T11:27:00.000-08:00

I watched nearly all of the governor, lt. governor, and AG debates last night (I missed about 20 minutes of the governor's debate but I don't think anything in that 20 minutes would change my mind). My observations, for what they are worth:
Governor's debate:
Governor Riley mopped the floor with Lucy. Lucy looked tired and, at least on my TV, red in the face like somebody had covered her with too much blush make up. She stumbled all night and was completely unimpressive. The governor stuck to his theme of bringing integrity and openness to the state house, at times sounding like a broken record, but also sounding much more qualified and interesting than Lucy.
Lt. Governor's Debate:
This was a very close debate with 2 polished candidates. I would say that Luther won it but not by much. Folsom came off as an experienced politician with deep ties to Montgomery and Alabama politics; in many states, this would make him the winner but I am not sure it does in Alabama. It is no secret that the legislature in many ways is a millstone around Riley's (a very popular governor's) neck and is thought of as representing an older, in many ways out of date version of Alabama politics. Folsom sounded like the candidate of the old ways. Luther was a little less polished than Folsom, in that he did not sound like a career politician. He was well spoken and articulate but you could tell he had less political experience, which is not a bad thing and is one of the reasons I think he was better in the debate. He did a good job of tying himself to the governor and arguing that he would be a help, not a hindrance like his opponent, to the governor's agenda. If you watched the debate, you realized that there were real differences between the candidates, especially since Luther began his answer to each question with "this is another difference between me and my opponent." Folsom has run a Republican-esque campaign, playing up conservative themes and appealing to gun toting voters so I guess this was probably needed but it was a little bit weird after a while. Luther would have won the debate hands down, except that he did come across as a little too close to Washington--talking about his relationships with both Alabama senators and his ability to work with them to get more federal funding for transportation. This is obviously good for Alabama in the long-run but it also makes me slightly uneasy. Overall, however, Luther came across as the voice of change and the candidate who would help and not hinder the progress that Riley has made in Alabama.
AG Debate:
Now this was entertaining. The gloves came off immediately and stayed off for 30 minutes. I actually think both candidates won different elements of the debate. Tyson, if you ignored the fact that he could not finish an answer in the allotted time and appeared angry the entire debate, had the best substantive answers. He was for crime prevention and pretty easily painted King as being almost an enforcement only person; prevention is very important in any state, but especially Alabama, since our prisons are already filled to capacity with criminals. King, if you ignore his substantive answers, came off as the better, more personally appealing candidate. He maintained eye contact and did not look like he was about to bust a blood vessel like Tyson did all night. The dumbest thing King did was accuse Tyson of having no experience and saying that his use of plea bargains was bad. Tyson has tons of relevant experience as a prosecutor and plea bargains are important tools in our legal system that should be used. Before the debate I was leaning toward voting for Tyson; after the debate, I think I am just not going to vote for either candidate. I don't think Tyson has the temperment to be AG and I don't think King has the intelligence.
If you missed the debates, you missed some great political entertainment. We will see what effects they have on the races.
For other views on how the debates came out, see this link and www.politicsinalabama.com generally.

BCS: Benefitting Campuses [outside the] SEC

2006-10-07T15:22:00.000-07:00

Tuberville was right about the BCS: it discriminates against the SEC. Think about the SEC this year: everyone says it is the best conference because Tennessee, LSU, Auburn, Florida, and Georgia (all in the top 15 all season; at one point most of them were in the top ten) are in it. Beyond them, the mediocre teams this year (Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi, South Carolina) could probably beat the top teams in many of the other conferences (Arkansas might should be in the top group but I am strictly going on rank there). The problem is that all of these powerhouses beat up on one another (see my Pyrrhic Victory and Defeat post). Put any of the top 5 teams listed above in another conference and they would have a much better chance of going undefeated and going to the BCS championship game. As it is, Auburn already beat LSU, Florida is currently beating LSU, Tennessee and Georgia square off tonight, later in the season Auburn and Georgia will square off, etc. Basically, to win out, one top ten team must beat 2 or 3 other top ten games in the regular season, then beat another one (or one they have previously beaten) in the SEC championship game, and then beat a non-conference top ten team in a bowl game. In a given season, a national champion from the SEC would have to win what would be 3 or 4 bowl games for most other teams. In between these games, they will also play 2-4 other teams ranked in the top 25 or which would be ranked in the top 25 if they had not been beaten by the top teams in the conference. It would be different if they could have Notre Dame's schedule of playing Michigan, Michigan State, USC but also Army, Navy, Air Force, and 3 or 4 other teams that the mediocre teams in the SEC would manhandle. Basically, they (and USC for that matter), play 3 or 4 games a year and have scrimmages with spectators in between. Their road to an undefeated season is markedly different than anyone's in the SEC.
Add to this a new phenomenon: ESPN's almost unabashed politicing against the SEC. Before you just call me bitter because they put GameDay at #2 USC v. #19 Nebraska instead of at #3 Auburn v. #6 LSU (no bias there, USC was obviously the better game considering they were favored by 18 and Auburn was favored by 3), consider who ESPN's analysts are: Corso (FSU fan), Herbstreit (Ohio State player), Rocket Ishmael (Notre Dame player), Mark May (Pitt player), Lou Holtz (long time Notre Dame head coach and FIRED South Carolina coach) and you can fill in the rest. The closest they come to having a commentator from the SEC on GameDay is when Charles Barkley (Auburn BASKETBALL player) is on. I used to watch GameDay religiously because it was the best college football show and played it pretty straight. However, in the last few years, especially since the BCS was instituted, they clearly have an agenda that is to promote conferences other than the SEC.
I believe there are a few possible solutions here: 1) institute a playoff (best possible solution); 2) eliminate the automatic bids for conference champions to the BCS and let #1 play #2, #3 play #4, etc. in the BCS rankings (still have the problem that SEC teams will beat each other and take hits in the rankings when other teams will cake walk to an undefeated season but its better than the current system); 3) do away with the BCS and go back to the old bowl system.
I don't usually whine an complain about things like the BCS, but I don't see any real way for an SEC team to ever win under it, even if they are the best team in the country. This year I am going to root for Florida for the remainder of the year (even though I am not a Florida fan) because they are the only SEC team with a chance to prove me wrong. Even if they win out, I am not sure they will make the championship game (my money is they won't because USC is a darling of ESPN and will be pushed as the second best team until they lose which they are unlikely to do and, if they do lose, ESPN will immediately jump on the West Virginia band wagon).
Another idea I had was for the SEC to immediately disband into 12 independent teams. Each year, the top 5 SEC schools should schedule to play USC, Notre Dame, and West Virginia each year back to back. The other games on their schedule should be 6 powder puffs (maybe the middle teams in the ACC, Big East, PAC 10, Big 12, and Big 10) and a few teams ranked in the top 25 (lower end of the top 25). A few things would happen: a) USC, Notre Dame, and West Virginia would not be undefeated most years; b) the SEC schools would be higher ranked by not beating each other up and having glorified scrimmages like other schools half of the year; c) ESPN might consider them on the same level with USC and West Virginia because they would no longer be in the SEC.
In conclusion: Go Gators (dang that hurts but desperate times call for desperate measures).

A Pyrrhic Victory and Defeat

2006-10-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

Watching Auburn get manhandled all day by Arkansas and watching LSU currently getting beat by Florida (3rd quarter 23-7 so they could come back), neither team looks like a top 10 team although I think that they both probably are. The announcers during the Auburn game kept talking about how Tuberville said Auburn had not recovered from the LSU game and was still physically suffering. I am not sure I don't believe him. By the same token, I wonder if LSU is not still suffering physically too.
When 2 top ten teams, especially SEC teams, square off, it is bound to be a hit highlight reel. That game did not disappoint. However, I think both teams are still paying for it. Truly a pity they don't play in the PAC-10 with USC where you don't play a top ten team until the bowl game. Pyrrhic victories would seem to be much less common.

Halogen headlights should be illegal...

2006-09-24T20:44:00.000-07:00

I smell class action. Seriously - they are distracting and dangerous! More on this later...

Born to spade...

2006-09-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

It's Law Review season again, as The Namby Pamby recently reminded me...

Don't Ever Do This...

2006-09-15T17:56:00.000-07:00

We all know not to put tin foil in a microwave. It is apparently also a bad idea to put a fake, uh, male organ into a microwave. Consider this a public service announcement: we here at Gump's Law are always looking out for your best interests.

Poor Al Franken

2006-09-13T18:55:00.000-07:00

Some stories out today indicate that Air America (progressive radio, A.K.A. strident Bush bashers) is soon to file for bankruptcy and that Al Franken, perhaps its best known personality, has not been paid in a while. While I always knew that liberalism was intellectually bankrupt, I did not know that it was monetarily as well.

Brief Thought on 9/11

2006-09-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

On 9/11/01 I was in a philosophy class and we did not find out that the twin towers had been hit until after they had fallen. I was shocked just like all of you when I finally found out. I heard a brief replay on the radio of a live radio broadcast from that terrible day and I began feeling sad for the innocent victims and their families and boiling mad at the terrorists who did it. I don't know what hell is like, but I hope the terrorists are in a special section of it. To any of you who knew someone who died that day, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Holy Suri Sh*%

2006-09-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

We all know Tom Cruise is crazy. The only question is how crazy is he? Partial answer: crazy enough to have an artist create a sculpture based on his child's first poop! Thank God the baby wasn't a boy. Foreskin sculpting would have been even more disturbing.

"Steve, from all God's creatures, thank you. Rest in peace."

2006-09-04T08:42:00.000-07:00

Today is a sad day indeed, as animal lovers, conservationists, and adventure-seekers alike all mourn the untimely passing of Steve Irwin. I am particularly sad today, as I considered the croc hunter a bit of a hero and something of a role model.

He was, if nothing else, a non sequitur. Steve was from a remote region of Australia, and was obviously a bit rough around the edges—if he had hailed from Alabama, I'm certain he would have fit more comfortably into the NASCAR set than the country club set. And despite his immense popularity here in the states, I know he was not always similarly loved by his countrymen. Without fail, every Aussie I have asked about Steve Irwin explained through a pained grimace—the same one Americans wear when discussing David Hasselhoff with excited German tourists—that he was not a good representative of Australia.

So it really is a bit surprising, if you think about it, that an Aussie "redneck" would become the international spokesman for the conservation movement.

I first became enamored with Steve Irwin when I was in college. We all loved his adventure-seeking, laugh-in-the-face-of-danger approach to life. But I soon saw that there was a rhyme to his seemingly-unreasonable antics. By doing these outrageous things with crocodiles, he was able to get the whole world (including beer-swilling fraternity boys in Alabama) to take notice of his true passion—protecting God's wondrous creation from destruction. If this guy is not afraid to talk about what he really cares about (or even to have a good cry over the death of a furry little animan), then I shouldn't be either. Whether that thing you care about is the environment, your faith in The Lord, atrocities in Darfour, or anything else, you shouldn't be afraid to talk about it (and talk about it with passion!) just because it doesn't fit with your background, or with what the world might expect of you.

In this respect, we can all learn a lot from the croc hunter's legacy. God bless you, Steve Irwin.

An Ethical Dilemma

2006-09-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

I hate Tennessee. I think it is a combination of their obnoxious fans (I know that is redundant; by definition, Tennessee fans are obnoxious), Rocky Top (they play it 400 times during the pre-game alone), Phil Fulmer (skunk who believes that if you can't beat them then tattle; if you don't believe that there are some recruiting violations going on at Tennessee just like those at Alabama, you are naive and probably an obnoxious Tennessee fan), and the color orange (nobody in the world looks good in that color).

That being said, I find myself cheering for them this evening. They are playing Cal, who I also happen to hate. I think they are perennially overrated and that the PAC-10, with the exception of USC, can't hold a candle to the SEC (it is not hard to go undefeated when you don't play a real opponent until the bowl game in January). My hatred for the PAC-10 appears to outrank my hatred for Tennessee. I feel pretty dirty right now. I am quietly rooting for my least favorite team just so I don't have to hear the ridiculous commentators discuss how a loss by Tennessee proves that the SEC is having a down year and is not as good as the PAC-10. So I am stuck with the ethical dilemma that I want both teams to lose but find myself rooting for Tennessee nonetheless. I think I am going to hope that Tennessee blows out Cal and then proceeds to lose every SEC game this year. That would prove that Tennessee sucks, Cal sucks worse, and the PAC-10 as a conference sucks. I may have to take a bath after every quarter and spend all day tomorrow in church repenting, but just for tonight I am saying Go Tennes... Go Ten... Never mind. Lose, Cal, lose!!!

Only at Georgia Tech

2006-09-02T10:31:00.000-07:00

My award for the best College Game Day sign of the week goes to the following: "Calvin: Defeating Catholics since 1509." For those of you who don't know, Georgia Tech's best wide receiver is named Calvin Johnson and Georgia Tech plays Notre Dame today (shame on you if you don't know about the game). John Calvin, the father of "Calvinism," was a 16th century protestant theologian. I am not sure any other team in the country has fans smart enough to connect 16th century theology to modern day football.

Insane in the membrane? Subtitle: Dorky evidentiary musings...

2006-09-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

This is interesting. Mildly disturbing, but interesting nontheless. It seems that a lawyer fatally stabbed his neighbor to death after hearing that the neighbor had molested the lawyer's two year old daughter.

I appears from the issued statements that this guy will claim [temporary?] insanity when [if?] he is charged with murder. Here's what I am wondering: At trial can the prosecutors cast aspersions at this guy because he is a lawyer, and he [presumably] knows precisely what it would take to establish an insanity defense--can they suggest that he conformed his actions to those that would "fit" an insanity defense?

If not, can they at least mock him for relying on a hearsay statement in making his decison to slice?

Cheers to The Namby Pamby for this story...

The Greatest Day of the Year!!!

2006-08-31T15:55:00.000-07:00

For many sports fans, especially those living in the southeast, today is the greatest day of the year. Why, you ask? Because it is the first day of COLLEGE FOOTBALL. Sure, your birthday is great and Christmas is nice, but neither of them have anything on South Carolina playing Mississippi State tonight (7 pm CST on ESPN). Just think, after tonight we have nearly constant football until January 8. It just doesn't get any better than this.

Some thoughts on the Little League World Series

2006-08-28T14:40:00.000-07:00

I am an avid Little League World Series fan. I have watched all but 2 or 3 games this year and will be watching the championship game tonight (7 pm ESPN2). However, given the quality of the commentary, I am considering watching it with the volume muted.
ESPN did everyone a great service by firing Harold Reynolds as a commentator. He was a none-to-bright know-it-all who thought that his commentary was more important than the game. Their replacement for Harold, Orel Hersheiser, appears to merely be a Harold clone, however. His commentary is lackluster at best and I am not convinced he and Harold combined could light up a 30 watt bulb (that does not mean they were not great athletes or baseball players, just that their mental aptitude does not match their baseball ability).
I have a few suggestions for ESPN in announcing Little League. First, realize that these kids are 12 and 13 years old; they have been playing baseball for 7 or 8 years and are not playing in their first game on national television. They know how to run the bases, hit the ball, and field. It should not be a surprise when they make a routine play or smartly tag up when a fly ball is hit. Their baseball IQ is higher than many adults in this country. Also, many of them will be invited to play on their high school's baseball team next year (I got to play for my high school in 8th grade). They are not idiots and the commentary provided during the game is nothing if not patronizing.
Second, the easiest way to improve this commentary would be to bring in commentators who are not totally disconnected from Little League. I would not want John Madden announcing a baseball game, nor would I want Joe Morgan announcing a football game; they would be too disconnected to do an excellent job. The same can be said for ESPN's announcers: they know MLB and perhaps college baseball; they know nothing about Little League (as anyone halfway connected to it knows based on their commentary). Bring in a Little League coach or a player or someone who watches Little League more than 2 weeks in August. They could provide much more accurate insight into the mind set of the players and coaches and would not come off as completely paternalistic.
Third, quit doing the building blocks segments. It is dumb and pointless. The kids doing it have been doing the drills shown for years (as has any other 7 year old who plays baseball). Do some segments about their home town or their home town league games. Show some of the players on their regular teams before All Stars. Talk about their parents. Do something, anything besides those building blocks segments.
So, in conclusion, watch the Little League championship tonight. It should be a great game and, hopefully, Columbus will win it all. But mute the volume.

UPDATE: The Little League World Series is now over. Columbus won 2 to 1. ESPN did not bother to stick to the scheduled start time or to update the new time for the game. Just another example of the bush-league nature of ESPN's coverage. Pitiful.

This is incredible!

2006-08-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

I have several friends who have children w/ special needs. I have always wondered how well I would cope if I were in their shoes. I would hope to be half the dad that this guy is...

Under new management???

2006-08-25T17:38:00.000-07:00

Why would a gas station need to advertise that it is under new management? I saw just such an advert the other day. Does anyone really select their filling station based on the character of its management?

Weird...

Hogwart's School of Law

2006-08-24T18:33:00.000-07:00

I recently read the Harry Potter saga. Not the sort of books that I would ordinarily read, but my wife insisted that I would enjoy them. And as much as it pains me to admit, she was absolutely right. I also discovered that a surprising number of law students read Harry Potter. After thinking about it for a while, I realized there are a lot of similarity between Hogwarts and Law School. I won't go into the details (if you are a Harry Potter-reading law student, the parallels should be obvious to you), but I think there should be more...

For instance, why don't we have "houses"? We already have "sections" - it shouldn't be too hard to convert them into "houses". Each law school could have 4 houses, and they could be named after supreme court justices, or prominent alumni from the law school. Class participation might even improve if we were competing for the house cup - professors could keep track of the points... "Bad form Mr. Weasley, I would expect a 2L like yourself to know all about the reverse commerce clause... 5 points from Scalia House!" Can you imagine?

Moot court would be a ready substitute for Quiddich - the competitors would don blazers and ties with their house colors and crest before entering the courtroom. What would the crest for Scalia house look like? Perhaps it would have a wolf... (see ,e.g., Morrison v. Olson 487 U.S. 654, 699 (1988) (Scalia, J., dissenting)). All the 1Ls would secretly hope to be the youngest advocate for their house in over a century. All would turn out for the final round of moot court where Easterbrook House (wearing gold blazers with purple ties) would loose the moot court cup to Cardozo House (sporting cerulean blue w/ yellow and white striped ties).

Just a thought...

Why bother?

2006-08-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

I buy all my casebooks used on Amazon. While purchasing this semester's stack, I noticed that there is a function that allows participants to "rate" the books up for sale. Now, I'm pretty sure the professors don't use this, because they get their copies free from the publishers. No sane student cares what kind of review his book received--he is only buying it because he has to. With that said, WHO IN THE HECK IS SITTING AROUND OPINING ABOUT LAW SCHOOL CASEBOOKS ON AMAZON?!?!?!?!?

These people must be stopped...

A couple of generalized observations about JonBenet...

2006-08-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

(1) Male substitute elementary school teachers are creepy.

(2) Child beauty pageants are also creepy.

I'm sure there are exceptions to the above stereotypes - but lets be realistic, this was kind of an accident waiting to happen...

Oh no... We suck again!

2006-08-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

I last apologized for our "extended absence" back in May. Now it is August, and we have only posted 7 times since... Anyhow, we are now back - back with a vengeance, back to school, and back up to our old tricks. OK - that sounded kind of lame, but the point is that we are now back.

As the good Lt. explained earlier, we have all been busy leading the glamorous and oft-envied lives of law clerks. He and I both stayed here in the great state and worked for the cream-de-la-cream of Alabama firms (although I frankly suspect that Dan will decline all 6 of his job offers and become a plaintiff's lawyer in Wetumpka). Boat and Paddle were off jet-setting with a couple of high-rolling international outfits. I understand that their cubicles smelled of rich mahogany and contained many leather-bound books...

Anyhow, the point is that we have now returned to our humble roots as law students (in much the same way that Batman returns to his faithful Bruce Wayne persona ). Now that we no longer have to hop the private jet to Hong Kong, Dubai, or Faunsdale (for the crawfish...) or waste our time golfing at Augusta Nat'l every weekend, I am sure that we will have a lot more time to blog.

Thanks for sticking with us...

I get to play Buzz Aldrin!

2006-08-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

While I am not usually a conspiracy theorist (although I am not completely sure Hillary Clinton is not a robot), I can't help myself on this one. NASA says they have misplaced videos of the original moon landing. Hmm...we have video of one of the most historic and famous events in history and it has been stored in an undisclosed location. Makes me wonder if it might not have been filmed in an undisclosed location, like say a studio in Area 51. Anyway, if they need to "land on the moon" again, then I will volunteer to go. All they have to do is pay for my plane ticket to Nevada, give me the right security clearance, and let me hop around in a partially inflatable suit. I hope they will let me drink Tang.

Reports of our deaths have been greatly exagerrated

2006-06-26T15:52:00.000-07:00

To all of our loyal or unloyal readers, I would like to apologize for our prolonged absence from the blogosphere. The 4 of us have been slaving away day and night at law firms in pursuit of what every child dreams of: a job where we can work 80 hours a week and still feel like we are behind.
To get a flavor of what we have been going through, I recommend you take a look at the Anonymous Law Firm's website. Obviously none of us are working at the Anonymous Law Firm because we do not attend a school with a high enough rank but our different firms do exemplify at least some of the characteristics of the Anonymous Law Firm.
I would write a longer blog but it is 6 p.m. meaning that my 5 minute dinner break has just ended. Maybe I will write another entry at 1 a.m. when I get my 30 minute break to sleep slumped over in my chair.

Ronaldus Maximus

2006-06-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the 2 year anniversary of the death of (arguably, although not very) the greatest president of the 20th century, Ronald Wilson Reagan. He was a great man and one of only 3 heroes that I have or probably will ever have. I just thought he deserved a short recognition and remembrance two years after he died.

Yet another reason to hate oil companies...

2006-05-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

E. Spat has an incensing post about the continued fallout of the Exxon Valdez over at Favorable Dicta. I know some of you die-hard right wingers out there will say that Exxon has paid enough already, but I for one am shocked and dismayed that the once-pristine sound is still bathed in crude oil. I admit that I have yet to read the law review article she mentions, but if it is true that there is a provision in their settlement requiring Exxon to pay an extra $100m in a situation like this, then I think it is high time that those fat cats pay up.

Thanks to All the Vets

2006-05-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

I meant to write this post sooner but was out of town for the weekend and did not have internet access. Just for the record, Lt. Dan is an internet name and I am not a veteran, nor did I serve in any of the armed forces. Perhaps my lack of military service is why I so greatly admire every soldier who volunteers to serve in our nation's military. They put themselves on the line for our freedom: so that people like me can go to law school and blog; so that we can have a free (and sometimes ungrateful) press; so that high school seniors can have the choice of whether they want to go to work, go to college, go in the military, or anything else their hearts desire. Without veterans none of this would be possible.
Veterans pay a high cost for our freedoms: some of them die in combat, some of them go crazy and never recover, some are haunted by nightmares, and some live ordinary lives after their service is over. Regardless, they all sacrificed at minimum part of their time to defend our country. Time they could have spent with their parents or spouses or children; time they could have spent at the beach or in the mountains or grilling out in the backyard; time they can never have back.
I hope today that you will take a moment to thank a veteran if you see one or just to say a silent prayer thanking God for their sacrifice. If you feel so inclined (and are not a broke law student), there is a charity which exists to give scholarships to the children of military and federal law enforcement officers who are killed in the line of duty. It is called the Marine Corps-Law Enforcement Foundation and I believe every dime donated goes to scholarships (in other words there is no overhead; I am pretty sure about this but did not specifically check). Giving to this foundation would be a great way to honor a veteran you know or to honor a veteran you don't know.
The heart of this post is that Memorial Day holds great meaning for Lt. Dan. I will never forget the sacrifice and selflessness of veterans because without them I would not be able to live the life I live.

Welcome back... or thanks for not leaving... or whatever...

2006-05-26T17:15:00.000-07:00

Recently, our dean interviewed for and was offered a position as dean of the UNC School of Law - which is ranked somewhat higher than the fine institution where Dan, Boat, Paddle, and myself are presently wowing the legal world with our prowess and verbal acumen. The dean has been at the law school for about 15 years or so, and, under his guidance, it has risen from the 3rd tier into the top 40. He has already reached the point where he will be remembered as one of the "great men" of the school for many years to come. Nonetheless, we all expected him to take the deanship at UNC. It seems to me that he was sort of at a crossroads - if he stays here any longer, he runs the risk of becoming so intertwined with the institution that he will loose some of his own personality to the school. Though I wanted him to stay, it seemed like a prudent choice to go...

But, I learned today that he is not leaving us. I think this is great news. The school is on the rise and will presumably continue its ascent. We have all been speculating about what he will do for several months now, and I would have thought everyone would be excited about the news.

But when I mentioned the good news to some of the alums at my summer law firm, they all reacted the same way - by asking if he still has his "porn mustache". Nothing about the great things he has done for the school, nothing about the quality of his character, just a generalized concern about his upper lip.

For the record, he shaved the stache...

-----------------Before-----------------------------------After-------------

Reporting or Making News?

2006-05-24T18:23:00.000-07:00

I am generally annoyed by the media, as you can probably tell by my prior posts. I think the idea that they merely report the news is just ridiculous. The goal of nearly very major paper and broadcast news outlet is to stir the public into a frenzy by selectively reporting facts and shaping the ones they do report. An excellent example is the bird flu movie ABC ran during sweeps just a few weeks ago. The whole goal of the movie was to convince America that a devastating bird flu pandemic is very possible and therefore it is time to panic. It did my heart good to see that the movie bombed in ratings.
Even seemingly non-news channels are guilty of what I call "frenzy programming." The weather channel used report what actually was happening in the world around us. Now its programming largely revolves around "Storm Stories" which recounts past disasters. I can respect that: at least these shows consist of footage and models of actual events that have happened. On Sunday nights, however, the Weather Channel will show you what COULD happen if, for instance, another devastating earthquake hit San Francisco or a tornado hit Dallas or some other remotely possible event happened. This show is ominously called "It Could Happen Tomorrow." Well, I think that the idea of this show should be extended: there should be spinoffs showing how there could be a five car wreck and a person could be trapped in the bottom car when a giant car pile exploded or showing how 2 passenger jets could collide in midair killing 600 people and then the wreckage could fall onto an amphitheater and kill thousands more or showing how people could go to bed tonight and have a massive heartattack or showing how a person could cut his fingernails too short so they hurt for a week. All these events are just as likely as some catastrophic event in a major city. Somehow I don't think they will make a show about them however.
There are 2 articles today which relate to the "frenzy programming" phenomenom. The first analyzes how the media pats itself on the back for its Katrina coverage even though their coverage was factually inaccurate, making up negative facts (like gangs and murder in the Superdome) and ignoring positive facts (like the national guard response). The second discusses the concept of a network that would not do frenzy programming but would instead try to understand why and how history works. Victor Davis Hanson wrote an article some time back on the same general subject called "The Prison of the Present." That article discusses how the news networks lack any sense of historical perspective and try to put people in a frenzy. Just for kicks, you should also look at this article which Newsweek ran in the 70's about how global cooling was a consensus position among scientists.
I am heartened by the response of people in general: newspaper circulation is falling and the major news networks are shadows of their former selves. While the elites in the media will never understand why their numbers are falling, somehow I just don't see how people could want to watch stories about what might one day kill them over and over again. Normal people have enough real problems to worry about without thinking about how they could theoretically die in some remotely possile catastrophe.

Flight 93

2006-05-24T18:18:00.000-07:00

First of all - I want to apologize for my extended absence absence from the blogosphere. Ever since exams have ended, I have been wrapped up in my new role as a high-powered law clerk, but that is sure to be the source of many other yarns and is beyond the scope of this post.

Anyhow, I went and watched "United 93" the other day, and it was pretty good. And, by "pretty good", I mean that it was so spot-on that the realness of it made me feel sick to my stomach several times. My fear in gong to the movie was that they would try to over-dramatize the passengers--that they would try to portray Todd Beamer as some sort of airborne William Wallace (sans the face paint and kilt) screaming "Let's Roll" at the top of his lungs while brandishing a broadsword and charging at the terrorists. Fortunately, that was not the case...

Go see the movie. You won't be able to quit thinking about exactly what was happening when it was all going down...

If Lt. Dan owned a ball team, this would be the one!

2006-05-17T19:40:00.000-07:00

Another selection from the Foxnews.com Out There column.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame or I'll Sue
Wednesday, May 17, 2006

ALTOONA, Pa. — If you’re a baseball fan, you’ve likely been to a game on “Dollar Hot Dog Night” or maybe “Get Some Kind of Bag or Hat or Something Not Too Terribly Exciting Free at the Door Night.”
But if you happen to be a fan of the Altoona Curve, you can take yourself out to the ballgame on a themed evening that’s a wee bit more … creative.
Inspired by MLB's Los Angeles Angels fan who sued the team because he didn’t get a tote bag at the club’s Mother’s Day promotion last year, the Curve are inviting fans to attend “Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night” on July 2 at Blair County Ballpark, according to the team’s Web site, altoonacurve.com.
So what exactly does “Frivolous Lawsuit Night” entail? For starters, a whole bunch of lawsuit-friendly giveaways.
In case they, too, are a little miffed about being denied any Mother’s Day freebies, the first 137 guys at the park will be given a pink tote bag.
The first 137 thirsty but thermally unaware women in attendance will get burn-proof lukewarm coffee.
And the kiddos have a treat coming their way too. The first 137 inexplicably hungry children will get a beach ball, complete with a warning not to ingest it.
But the facetious fun doesn’t stop there.
In another nod to the Mother’s Day suit, Angels merchandise will be dished out throughout the game, and some of history’s finest frivolous lawsuits will be honored.
“We realize that these giveaways as part of our Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night are fairly stupid and serve no real purpose,” said Curve General Manager Todd Parnell. “But if our fans don’t like them, then they can sue us!”
Practicing corporate and sports attorney Chuck Greenberg, who also serves as the president and managing partner of the club, declined to comment on the festivities in fear his remarks could lead to — you guessed it — a frivolous lawsuit.
And it seems this isn’t the teams first foray into the realm of the outlandish theme night — they were honored by Minor League Baseball as the winner of the 2004 Larry MacPhail Award for promotional excellence.

Genius. Pure genius.

CNN: Bush League or Bush Haters?

2006-05-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

Drudge is carrying a story about how CNN "mistakenly" aired 16 seconds of Bush rehearsing his immigration speech tonight. Apparently the network had to apologize for its "honest mistake" just like they earlier had to apologize for placing an "X" over the Vice President's face. This leaves us with two possible alternatives: 1) CNN is run by completely incompetent people who cannot keep rehearsals separate from live feeds or 2) CNN hates the Bush administration and is invested in their defeat no matter what the consequences. I suspect the latter and, given CNN's ratings versus Fox News and other networks, I have a feeling the American people agree with me.
Liberal bias? No way. Just listen to the liberal media who proclaim they give you the straight story as they place X's on vice presidents and "confuse" where the president stammers, stops, and asks for assistance with live video feeds.

Kennedy Karma

2006-05-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

So in case you haven't heard, Teddy's jet was struck by lightning yesterday while flying to the Cape. He had just given a commencement address, which judging by God's response must have been full of his normal "jibber-jabber" and "poopy-cock" (if you don't watch Boston Legal you should). In all seriousness, I am glad Teddy landed safely on the Cape because I can't imagine how much more successful the democratic party would be if that blowhard stopped blowing.

Anybody want to buy California?

2006-05-12T17:58:00.000-07:00

Fox News has a frequent "Out There" column which they update probably 5 times a week with quirky news stories from around the world. One of the stories from today read:
New Zealand Is Clearly Not for Sale? Dang
SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — New Zealand is not for sale, despite somebody in neighboring Australia trying to offload the nation of 4 million to the highest online bidder.
With a starting offer of just one cent, brisk bidding for the prime chunk of South Pacific real estate quickly boosted the price to $2,330 before eBay pulled the plug on the auction this week.
"Clearly New Zealand is not for sale," eBay Australia spokesman Daniel Feiler told the New Zealand Press Association, adding that 22 bids had been made before the company acted.
"It is mostly household items we have for sale, but there are the occasional quirky items put up," he added. "We have a look at them and if they are OK we leave them, but if it is something that can't be sold, we take them off."
The trader has not been named, but apparently was unimpressed with the country he was trying to sell.
The rivalry between the two countries is intense and in his advertisement the man said New Zealand had "very ordinary weather."

This has inspired me. Through this blog, I would like to put up for sale every state that voted for John Kerry and Mississippi. Bidding starts at $1 for each state. The winning bidder gets all the rights and privileges that I currently own in the state they purchase. Please make all checks payable to "Lt. Dan."

Luttig Leaves

2006-05-10T13:46:00.000-07:00

All you Supreme Court clerk wannabees should don a black armband today, as the #1 feeder judge, Michael Luttig, has just resigned from the judiciary to become the general council to Boeing. Though primarily citing financial concerns, one must believe that Luttig became skeptical that he would ever ascend to the Supreme Court after being passed over twice by Bush earlier this year. As the Paddle pointed out to me earlier, I'm sure the lucky 3L's who thought they were heading to clerk for Luttig next year are not having a very good day.

Why I favor unfettered immigration

2006-05-09T18:47:00.000-07:00

Because an America without burritos would be like a day without sunshine...

Grades

2006-05-09T04:45:00.000-07:00

Now that I have finished my exams for the semester, I can now begin the interminable wait until grades come out. In tumultuous times like these, I always turn to the words of the warrior poet Buffalo Wings & Vodka for comfort. Thus, I present for your reading enjoyment:

Eleven Answers to the Question “How Did Your Grades Turn Out?

“Awesome. We use a C+ curve, right?”

“Haven’t gotten ‘em yet. They’re still trying to figure out how to calculate an A-plus-plus.”

“I don’t know…everything after the congratulatory call from Justice O’Connor is pretty much a blur.”

“There are brown mice and white mice. I’m definitely a brown mouse.”

“I could totally beat you at Super Mario 3.”

“Letters, mostly.”

“To tell you the truth, I was pretty disappointed. 4.3 is kind of my unlucky number.”

“Come again? I am not from your country. Please pass the biscuits.”

“A lady never reveals her grades.” (Only works for ladies.)

“Not so great. But at least my nose isn’t gushing blood.”

“How are my grades? Great! How’s that bedwetting thing going?”

What can Business Organizations law teach us about international policy?

2006-05-08T16:36:00.000-07:00

It is a well established principle of business organizations law that the primary goal of a coporation is to make money for the shareholders.

This notion was articulated in the famous case of Ford v. Dodge, where shareholders filed suit after Henry Ford stopped declaring dividends, and attempted to cut the price of his cars in order to increase the number of people who could afford them.

Ford explained that his actions were motivated by altruistic purposes: "My ambition is to employ still more men, to spread the benefits of this industrial system to the greatest possible number, to help them build up their lives and their homes. To do this we are putting the greatest share of our profits back in the business."

The Court held that a corporation is organized primarily for the profit of the stockholders and decisions by the board of directors should be aimed at acheiving this end. To make business decisions primarily aimed at benefitting the public would be a breech of the director's fiduciary duty to the corporation. The court thus ordered Ford to pay dividends.

The interesting point, in my opinion, is how this framework would apply in the political context. If we were to view the federal government as the company, Congress & the President as its directors, & the citizens as the shareholders, what would be the business purpose of the federal government?

Continuing with this analogy, if the fundamental purpose of the government was to ensure the highest quality of life for its citizens (I'd be interested to hear what are some other possible purposes), how would this affect our role in world policy? Would the government breech its fiduciary duty by sending troops to Iraq if there were still murders in our cities, or sending relief to Africa if our streets are filled with the poor and homeless?

Thoughts?

Delicious Ideas from the NY Times

2006-05-07T16:13:00.000-07:00

A must read article for all you beef cheek, lamb neck, tongue, and pig's feet lovers out there. And you thought the NY Times was an elitist newspaper.

A Must Read

2006-05-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

Check out this great article by Professor James Gordon. This is definitely the first time I have laughed out loud while reading an article in the Yale Law Journal. 100 Yale L.J. 1679.

Coincidence?

2006-05-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

May 1st, 2006: Illegal imigrants and their supporters across America engage in a nationwide boycott to display their economic clout in protest of immigration reform.

May 5th, 2006: The Dow Jones industrial average surged to its highest level in six years, only 145 points shy of its all-time high.

NBA or NFL?

2006-05-05T08:23:00.000-07:00

Guess which organization's members have done the following:

36 have been accused of spousal abuse

7 have been arrested for fraud

19 have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

3 have done time for assault

71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges

8 have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and

84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Neither, it's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group of individuals that crank out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.

One Way to Blow Off Steam During Exams

2006-05-04T16:27:00.000-07:00

As any of you in law school in Alabama know, this week is smack dab in the middle of that yearly torture known as final exams. More than 1 law student has been known to run shrieking from the room in terror before the exam even starts. I remember walking into my first exam during my first year and wondering who had died. The room was eerily quiet like in a horror movie just before the killer jumps out from behind the door and stabs the scantily clad woman, causing all but the most seasoned movie patrons to jump in their seat (don't deny it, you jump). People were feverishly reading through their outlines. Some had ear plugs so they could not hear anything, others had heavy metal or rock blaring, and I am sure that a few in the room had motivational tapes ("You can do it. You will not run out screaming and waste your tuition money. You are the smartest person in the room.") and prayers going in the headphones (I hear the pope has a lovely law school blessing). I put my stuff down and left the room quickly. I was not happy to be taking exams but I also knew that if I treated it like a funeral, it might just become one.
Since first year, exams have not become less stressful but, like getting multiple shots at one time, you get used to the pain after a while and learn to cope with it. So, in the middle of this exam period I had one afternoon when I actually did not feel compelled to study. So, what did I do? My wife and I went for a walk...in a pouring rain storm. No, it was not pouring when we left, just threatening (although I was pretty sure when we left that we would not return wet merely with sweat). When we got around 1.5 miles from our house, the bottom fell out and we got soaked. It was wonderful. My wife and I were laughing, we jumped in puddles, and, for about 15 or 20 minutes, I forgot that I still had to take another final.
So, for those of you stressed out over work or finals or some other reason, look at the weather forecast (I can tell those of you in Alabama that it is supposed to rain this weekend) and time your walk accordingly. You won't be sorry you did (unless you get sick, in which case I disclaim all liability for myself and this blog).

Fairwell, Uncle Louie

2006-05-04T16:14:00.000-07:00

Growing up, my dad was in the financial services business. This meant that every night when he came home we as a family would all sit down and he would watch CNN Headline New's 30 minute looping segment for at least 2 hours (OK...he never really watched much except the part about the stock market but he would get mad if anybody wanted to change the TV; to this day he still claims that he does not watch too much TV but if you try to change the channel he complains).
Friday was a special night. When he came home we would all go out to a local steak house buffet and have dinner. We always went early because we had to be back for 1 television show that we never missed: Wall Street Week. Every week for probably the first 10 years of my life we watched that show. I can still hum the tune to the opening song and can remember how Louis Rukeyser, the host, would say "I'm Louis Rukeyser, this is Wall Street Week. Welcome back." While I did not understand a word of what was said (I was usually playing with toys or fighting with a sibling at the time), I grew used to "Uncle Louie's" soothing voice every week.
I learned that he died on Tuesday at the age of 73 (click here to read the story). Sadly I never met the man, but I felt like I knew him. Who knows, all those early years of listening to him explain financial markets and interviewing prominent CEO's might have made me into the free market conservative I am today. Anyway, I just thought that he deserved a tribute. So farewell Uncle Louie. You will be missed.

Just Another Reason Why You Shouldn't Skip the Footnotes

2006-05-03T15:09:00.000-07:00

Check out footnote 23 from Professor Cherry's article on contracts: "An arm's-length transaction with a T-Rex would be an interesting arrangement, given their tiny forelimbs." For more info, check this out.

Blogger Unmasked

2006-05-01T11:12:00.000-07:00

After great fanfare & anticipation, Juan Non-Volokh of the Conspiracy is none other than (drumroll if you please) Johnathan Adler. This revelation brings forth an even greater mystery. Who is Johnathan Adler?

Reefer Madness

2006-05-01T03:45:00.000-07:00

It seems that the Univ. of Colorado police have declared their own little war on drugs. At UC (and other colleges) there is a well-followed tradition wherein multitudes of students gather at 4:20 pm on April 20th (4/20) at a prearranged location (at UC it is Farrand Field in Boulder) to spark their doobies in an open celebration of marijuana. Many campuses tolerate this at a form of civil protest, or simply dismiss it a kids being kids and turn a blind eye. Not so at UC...

On Apr 20 of last year, the UC campus police (hereafter "campos") posted signs around the field saying students were not allowed—when the students overran the field and started puffin’ their cheeba anyway, the campos turned the sprinklers on them. This year, they again posted signs and stationed armed campos around the perimeter, but they were powerless as thousands of students overran the field with their bags of ganja at four twenty. This year, instead of the sprinklers, the campos turned cameras on the students. To bring the stoners to justice, the campos have now posted photos on a website and offered $50 for each positive identification of one of these neo-hippies.

My first though was "cool!" These people are voluptuaries who flagrantly thumb their noses at authority in pursuit of a hedonistic self-indulgence and should be prosecuted. But, I couldn’t help but wonder if my reaction was more of a product of the fact that I don't smoke pot and generally don't care for people who do? Or is it just that a "law" was broken and I support the authorities bringing them to justice?

However, as I thought more about this, I realized that I am usually outraged over the prosecution of other "benign" crimes (yes, I can admit that smoking pot is relatively benign) like driving a little too fast or "stealing" music off the internet. Perhaps these students (when they are not too high to think such thoughts) feel the same way and actually are celebrating 4:20 to make a statement—to proudly say to the world they think ole' mary jane is alright. But, if this is the case, there should be no whining. They should proudly toke their bongs in the very places they are likely to get caught and call attention to the "injustice" of their arrest. Perhaps they will garner attention to their cause and get the hash legalized.

Personally, I don't think the students are so high-minded (pun intended). I think they are probably a bunch of counter-productive punks who get a kick out playing Tom and Jerry with the campos.

But, for the select few that may be doing it in civil protest I say "bravo", and Godspeed to you in your quest (and watch out for the corn-hole when you are in the city jail over the weekend). Stand up to authority if you really feel this strong, and once they let you out of the poke, don't just go back to the field—take your hash pipe to the state house steps there in Boulder and smoke it proudly. Even thought I don’t care to see marijuana legalized, I support your open protest of laws that you think are unjust, and I stand beside you (metaphorically of course).

I'll be the guy driving a mini-van on I-20 w/ the cruise control set at a rakish 16 mph over the speed "limit" and listening to music I "stole" when Napster still worked—waging my own little jihad on oppressive copyright and traffic laws.

Special thanks to the profs over at Concuring Opinions for the 4:20 story...

The Most Generous Nation on Earth

2006-04-29T19:48:00.000-07:00

The NY Times has an interesting story out called "Many Dismissing 'Donor Fatigue' as Myth". With the usual Times spin they seem to decry congress' cutting of taxes to spur on charitable giving in the wake of Katrina as unwarranted and costing the government billions when people were going to give anyway (leave it to the Times to turn a story about generosity into an instrument to complain about tax cuts).
The important part of the story is that charitable giving, despite the huge outpouring of charity after Katrina and the Tsunami relief efforts, that the American people gave about the same amount to charity as they did before those disasters. I would add that they gave despite the fact that gas prices were up and news outlets like the NY Times were decrying the state of our economy (which is roaring along by the way, not that you would know it from news stories). Maybe the times should have done one of their famous human interest type stories where they go out and interview ordinary people to see how something affected them (there is another story there today about the trickle down effects of high gas prices and how it is effecting everyone; funny how they will interview people for that type story but not for a story about charitable giving). I think they would have learned a ton about the American people that would help explain why the Times readership is down and they are having to lay off staff.
They would have probably learned that the American people are compassionate and caring; that no matter how bad they may have it because of poverty or sickness or other circumstances, they are always looking to help other people; that they appreciate just how blessed they are to live in a free country where they have the freedom to earn more money than most people on earth can dream about and want to share their abundance. My dad has been on the board of a charity for years and told me how he went and made a presentation to factory workers, and how they pledged to give over 10% of their already modest income to the charity. While I have not seen any studies on the matter, I would wager that people from all income levels give to charity.
I am extremely grateful to live in America. I am grateful for its freedom, its opportunities, and its commitment to spreading freedom throughout the world. However, what I love most about America are the American people. It is the American people that make America great and it is their compassion and generosity that make it, in the words of Ronald Reagan, the shining city on a hill.

$1.7 Million for Being Spanked

2006-04-29T07:19:00.000-07:00

I think this story is just too good to pass up. Yes, I understand that employers should not spank there employees and thus I don't have a problem with the plaintiff being compensated but I do have a problem with the amount of damages as well as a quote from the plaintiff.

First, as to the damages, they are ridiculously high. Every day there are wrongful death suits that result in far less damages than this for far more egregious acts. In addition, I have even worked on a case where a man got his thumb cut off and did not even receive six figures. Not to be crass, but this case begs the question, would you get spanked for $1.7 million?

Second, I think the quote from the plaintiff's attorney is ridiculous:

"Nationwide this will make for a safer workplace, help ensure less harassment in the workplace," Orlando's attorney Nicholas "Butch" Wagner told Reuters.

Well, Butch that is a great soundbite but you have to be kidding me. I just don't by into the belief that there are numerous employers who spank employees for being late to sales meetings, as was the case for this company. Butch also later states that this was sex discrimination in that women were predominantly spanked. That begs the question, why are women always late?

So, sure compensate the woman for getting spanked but don't give her $1.7 million and try to act like this is some monumental case. For goodness sakes, it was a policy of the company to spank so if the plaintiff didn't want to get spanked she could either (1) quit or (2) be on time.

Who is Brad Pitt?

2006-04-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

Not only has Gump's Law influenced the national news (see Our Following Keeps Going & Going), it appears that we are at the forefront of the entertainment industry as well. Less than a week after I dedicated a post to the patron saint of capitalism, John Gault, this tidbit came to my attention.

That's right friends, Gump's Law is leading the way again!

Look Out US: Here Come the French.

2006-04-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

The much maligned French seem to have figured out how to compete with the US economy: by creating the French version of Google. Yep, having failed at any semblance of free market reform and instead choosing to permanently enshrine and celebrate nearly double digit unemployment, they have learned their lesson: the US is great because of Google. Forget our free markets, educational system where post-high school training is available to almost anyone who wants it, and our constitution; the real reason the US is a world leader is Google!
The story is entitled "Chirac unveils his grand plan to restore French pride" and can be found here. Along with plans to creat a French Google, Chirac unveiled 5 other plans: "A plan for delivering high-quality television to mobile phones, a project for refineries to turn cereals into chemicals, a new light train system, and diesel and electric cars are to be part-funded by the Agency for Industrial Innovation, set up by Mr Chirac. German companies and scientists will work with French industry on the projects." Look out: TV on their cell phones. This really might make the French more like America in that it could lead to more traffic accidents.
It is obvious France truly understands how the world works and what makes a country great: it is OK if 10% of country is unemployed as long as you have Google and TV on your cell phone. The students who rioted should love this: they have no jobs and nothing better to do than surf the internet and watch TV. The only thing that Chirac forgot is some sort of French version of Halo or Doom or Call of Duty (well maybe not Call of Duty; a French version would involve one gunshot followed by a white flag and waiting until the Americans showed up to save you). With initiatives like this we might be speaking French in 10 years; this blog might have to be renamed Le Gump's Law.

What is a Billion?

2006-04-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

This is for all you fiscal liberals out there (yes, you too W.!)

I got this e-mail today discussing what exactly a billion is. It sure makes you think about how great it would be to have some fiscal conservatives in Washington to stop all this mess. By the way, as a quick disclaimer, Gump's Law nor Ping-Pong Paddle are intending to offend the city of New Orleans or its citizens.

Enjoy:
Here's some thought provoking information:
The next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casualmanner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending your tax money.A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

a. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

b. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

c. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

d. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

e. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans - It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division ............Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans.

Interesting number, what does it mean?

Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516, 528.

Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787

Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C. !!!...........................Are all your calculators broken????

Maybe everyone should just flood their houses, then we can all be on the "big easy" street for the rest of our lives, and forget about working, and paying taxes and all that useless stuff!

Don't Worry, It's Dishwasher Safe!

2006-04-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

When I got out of bed this morning I dropped the TV remote on my toe and had to reach under the bed to get it out. When I brought it out, it was upside down and I noticed a small bit of writing I had never seen before: "Made in Singapore Not Dishwasher Safe." I panicked immediately: I had been washing that remote in the dishwasher for years! Thank goodness it was still working.
Subsequently I checked the remotes to my other TV and I also checked my laptop. I was relieved to find that neither of them said they were not dishwasher safe so I am free to continue to put them in there. As for the remote that is not dishwasher safe, it didn't say anything about not being safe for my clothes washing machine.

The Bitch is Back

2006-04-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to report that the somewhat disturbed, yet incredibly entertaining, Article III Groupie has reappeared again at Underneath their Robes.

Lawyer Break-Ups

2006-04-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

This might come in handy.

Our Following Keeps Growing and Growing...

2006-04-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

Our blog reaches new and bigger audiences everyday. Just take a look at the Wall Street Journal's editorial page today: Headline Denny Pelosi; Description: Gas prices rise, and Republicans sound like Nancy Pelosi (Article here; may require free registration to read it).
Sample lines from the article: "If blaming private industry for Congress's own energy mistakes is the best the GOP can do, no wonder its voters may sit out the November election."
"Oil prices hit $75 a barrel last week, while gas has reached a national average of about $2.85 a gallon. The Republican response has been to put on Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi fright wigs and shout about corporate greed and market manipulation. House Speaker Denny Hastert and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist fired off a letter to President Bush yesterday demanding the Federal Trade Commission and Justice Department investigate "price fixing" and "gouging." Senator Arlen Specter wants to go further and impose stricter "antitrust" laws for oil companies, as well as a "windfall profits" tax. Mr. Hastert also delighted the class warriors in the press corps by lambasting recently retired Exxon CEO Lee Raymond's pay "unconscionable." There's been unconscionable behavior all right, most of it on Capitol Hill. A decent portion of the latest run-up in gas prices--and the entire cause of recent spot shortages--is the direct result of the energy bill Congress passed last summer. That self-serving legislation handed Congress's friends in the ethanol lobby a mandate that forces drivers to use 7.5 billion gallons annually of that oxygenate by 2012."
And, the money line: "In short, the only market manipulation has been by politicians. For the record, the FTC has an entire crew that pores over weekly average gas prices in hundreds of cities, looking for evidence of gouging--to no avail. Perhaps this is because no oil company controls enough of the market to exercise enough power to raise prices. The Hastert-Frist call for an investigation is nothing but short-attention-span political theater."
Yet another reason to read this blog: what we debate today will be in the national papers tomorrow. I will let you decide if Lt. Dan actually wrote the article for the WSJ or not.

W thinks they are gouging us too...

2006-04-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

I know it is probably all just a show for the voters, but check this out! Gault's head on a platter--yeah!

Moral relativism is bad...

2006-04-24T04:14:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to offer our warmest regards to anyone visiting by way of Southern Appeal. I don't know how the Fedster came across our little corner of the blogosphere, but we are glad he did!

Update on the Elect

2006-04-23T18:24:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Prettier than Napolean for this updated list on next year's crop of Supreme Court clerks. I'd like to take a moment to pay homage to Adam Conrad of UGA who is keeping the hopes alive of all the state school kids who dream of greatness (I don't recognize UVA as a state school & neither does anyone else).

Kennedy:
Dave Foster (Harvard '05/Kozinski)
Mark Yohalem (Harvard '05/Rymer)
Eric Murphy (Chicago '05/Wilkinson)
Lisa Marshall (Yale '05/Leval)

Souter:
David Han (Harvard '05/Boudin)
Daniel Tenny (Michigan '05/Tatel)
Bryan Leach (Yale '05/Cabranes)
Boris Bershteyn (Yale '04/Cabranes)

Scalia:
Dan Bress (UVA '05/Wilkinson '05-'06)
Louis A. Chaiten (Northwestern '98/Sutton '03-'04)
Joshua Lipshutz (Stanford '05/Kozinski '05-'06)
Hashim Mooppan (Harvard '05/Luttigator '05-'06)

Stevens:
Nick Bagley (NYU '05/Tatel)
Chad Golder (Yale '05/Garland)
Jamal Greene (Yale '05/Guidomaniac)
Lauren Sudeall (Harvard '05/Bleeding Reinhardt)

Ginsburg:
Kate Andrias (Yale '04/Bleeding Reinhardt '04-'05)
Scott Hershovitz (Yale '04/W. Fletcher '04-'05)
Daphna Renan (Yale '04/Edwards '04-'05)
Arun Subramanian (Columbia '04/Jacobs '04-'05/G. Lynch '05-'06)

Breyer:
Stephen Shackleford (Harvard '05/Boudin)
Thiru Vignarajah (Harvard '05/Calabresi)
Tacy Flint (Chicago '04/'05, Posner)
Jaren Casazza (Columbia '04/Jacobs '04-'05/Wood '05-'06)

Thomas:
John Adams (UVA '03/Sentelle-tubby '03-'04)
David Bragdon (UVA '02/S. Williams '02-'03)
Brandt Leibe (Yale '05/Luttigator '05-'06)
Adam Conrad (Georgia '05/Sentelle '05-'06)

Roberts:
George Hicks (Harvard '05/Brown)
Felicia Ellsworth (Chicago '05/Boudin)
Paul Nathanson (Harvard '04/Niemeyer/Silberman)
Keenan Kmiec (Boalt '04/Alito/Sentelle)

Alito:
?
?
?
?

*At this time, Gump's Law cannot substantiate the rumor that Joe Biden will be one of Alito's clerks next term. We will provide more information on this when it comes available.

McNair Trial Over - Convictons All Around...

2006-04-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

Somewhat surprisingly, the civil-rights activist (and eternally grieving father—turned commissioner) was convicted on bribery and conspiracy charges on Friday. I say "surprising" because I had predicted jury nullification. I figured that the hugely sympathetic, 80-yr old civil rights unifier—tried in his adoring hometown by sinister out-of-state prosecutors—would be acquitted by a friendly jury. And from what I saw, the prosecutors seemed to give them lots of reasons to do it too. Admittedly, I only saw parts of the trial, but what I did see was a robotic and boring team of prosecutors that refused to apply some of the most elementary techniques of white-collar litigation. I saw the lead prosecutor drive of one of McNair's surviving daughters to tears while she was on the stand as a government witness (presumably under a subpoena—but he never explained that to the jury). The black women on the jury appeared ready to leap out of their chairs and take him out. The prosecutor continued his direct through the daughter's tears and sobs until one of the myriad defense lawyers walked to the witness stand (while the prosecutor continued to drone on) and offered her a handkerchief. You could smell the jury's distaste for the government...

But in the end, justice seems to have prevailed. So, “kudos” to the prosecutors, for rising above their pedestrian trial tactics to get the conviction. I guess juries sometimes do listen to the evidence…

One of the more interesting (and frankly disturbing) developments of late is the post-hoc grumblings that the black community should have "done more" for the commissioner during his trial. What's that all about? Consider this: Joe Dickson (a civil rights activist and former publisher of The Birmingham World, a black newspaper) "said he wished that McNair could have rallied black preachers to come to his trial the way that Richard Scrushy - who is white - did when he was acquitted of criminal charges of fraud at HealthSouth Corp. 'I'm sorry nobody came to back him up the way they backed Scrushy up.'" What? Is he just saying that we should have shown solidarity and personal forgiveness for an otherwise great man in his time of need, or is he bemoaning the fact that the community didn't rise up and duplicate its pathetic show of well-compensated grandstanding that bought an acquittal for "brother Richard"? I fear it is the latter. While I am already saddened that a crook like Scrushy was able to sow his money in poor black churches and reap a harvest of public support (that undoubtedly helped his case) I am totally appalled to hear our leaders suggest that should be the status quo! If McNair had thrown around half the money that Scrushy did, we would have seen just as many hired preachers laying hands on him in the courtroom—and it would have been just as tragic and unjust if it had worked for him too…

Beyond Gas Companies: A Fuller Picture of the Price of Gas

2006-04-22T15:56:00.000-07:00

As a follow up to Shrimp Boat's last post and to the comments thereto, Lt. Dan got curious as to what all goes into the price of a gallon of gas. After some minimal research here is what I found:

According to CNN.com, last September 39.7 cents per gallon could be attributed to gas taxes (this was the most current data I could find; table here). Also in the price of gas is the price of the current MTBE (an additive that pollutes ground water) phaseout for ethanol.

Additionally, the price of refining goes into a gallon of gasoline. While this seems like a routine cost, environmental regulations in the US have insured that there have been no new oil refineries in the US in the last 29 years. Somehow I think that the demand for gas has increased since 1977 (by 45% according to one news story) and that new refineries could probably have helped with gas prices. Furthermore, according to an article on a new refinery that is supposed to open by 2009, it took the owner of the refinery 15 years to get the requisite permits and permission slips worked out, and will cost $3 billion. (Story here; another story on same topic here ). One of the story reports that the prince of Saudi Arabia could ship more oil here but it wouldn't matter because US refineries couldn't process it. Hmmm...sounds like that could influence oil prices.

There is also the old supply and demand fact that when demand goes up in the summer months, so do prices as supplies are squeezed.
We also get our gas from the most volatile region in the world (I have heard arguments that general unrest around Iran and Iraq adds $10 dollars to the price of a barrel of oil) and from companies who conspire to manipulate the price of crude oil barrels so they can make a killing. Just notice the next time OPEC meets to determine how much oil they will supply a day: they will justify their decision by saying something like "Because we want oil to be X dollars, we are increasing/decreasing supply." Most of the time their actions will translate into oil prices being about what they want them to be.

I don't want to sound like I am giving the oil companies a free pass because I am not. They may very well have raised prices more than they should and genuinely screwed everyone who has to buy gas. At the same time, however, I do note that there are a ton of variables that contribute to the price of gas. From government cartels to regulatory restrictions and taxation, gasoline companies have a lot less influence on the price of gasoline than the public and politicians want to give them credit for. They are not non-profit corporations either: they exist to make money and, when the price of crude oil goes up, it follows that they are going to make more money than when oil prices are low.

I am just as ticked off about gas prices as the next guy: I think gas should be under $2 a gallon. At the same time, to exclusively blame gasoline companies for high gas prices is to leave out huge parts of the true equation.

Who is John Gault?

2006-04-21T15:54:00.000-07:00

I find it deeply troubling the extent that large oil companies have been vilified over the past year. It almost seems paradoxical that in a capitalistic society there is such a backlash against a company simply because it is successful. At least to my knowledge, there is no indication that oil companies are doing anything that is illegal. This consumer outrage appears to be a reflection of a more general feeling of consumer entitlement that appears throughout our society. I use the phrase consumer entitlement to describe a societal notion that certain goods and services belong to the public as a right. Aside from gasoline, this notion has appeared from music (Napster) to medicine (Prescription Drug Prices). I'm not sure what the continuation of this trend means for the US, but penalizing companies for making money certainly doesn't bode well for the future.

The Perfect Law Student Book

2006-04-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

As a law student, people often ask me what I read for fun. After I laugh, they seem to realize that I don't have too much time for pleasure reading. However, that has changed in recent weeks as I think I have discovered the perfect pleasure book for law students. The book is entitled: "I'm a Stranger Here Myself: Notes on Returning to America After 20 Years Away" and is written by Bill Bryson. Basically, the book is a series of short (3-5 pages each) columns making fun of all the frustrating things in life. The columns originally appeared in a London newspaper when he returned to the States after living in England for 20 years. Though some stories are better than others, the fact that I can end my day by spending 15 minutes reading genuinely funny and cynical pieces is great.

If you are interested, check out the book here.

Courtroom drama in our backyard...

2006-04-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

I had a chance to watch part of the Chris McNair trial the other day--I had no Idea it was even going on (although as a law review dork who spends all his time studying, I am probably not a good barometer of current events...) until I went to watch it. Interesting sub-plot. Here it is in a nutshell: Father of one of the 4 young black girls slain in the 16th St. bombing (back in the really dark days when Birmingham was "Bombingham") rises to prominence as the first black state senator and later as the Jefferson County Commissioner; he was recently indicted in a bribery scheme; his defense lawyer is none other than Doug Jones, the prominent B'ham lawyer that made a name for himself when, as U.S. Attorney, he convicted the men who bombed the 16th St. Baptist Church...

The popular scuttlebut at the courthouse is that no Birmingham jury will ever convict Chris McNair--oh yeah, did I mention that some of the alleged kickback money was used to build a memorial to his murdered daughter?

Read about the trial here, here, here, here, and here

Scientific Discovery of the Year: Ancient Worm Crap!

2006-04-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

From our friends at Fox News who picked up the article from the AP wire:

Geologists Find 500-Million-Year-Old Feces
Thursday , April 13, 2006

STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Swedish geologists have found fossilized feces from a worm that lived some 500 million years ago, media reports said Wednesday.
The tiny piles of feces were found embedded in rock-face near Malmo in southern Sweden by geologists Mats Eriksson and Fredrik Terfelt, the newspaper Sydsvenskan reported.
Eriksson told the newspaper they examined the level of phosphorus of the samples and that "we realized pretty soon that it could not be anything other than coprolites — in other words, fossilized dung."
Terfelt described the find as "unique."
"Cambrian scientists will certainly find them very interesting," Terfelt said.
The two are researching geology at Lund University in southern Sweden, and said they are working on an article about the find that will be published in an international magazine shortly.
"It is inevitable to joke about this, so we gave it the title 'Anomalous faces and ancient feces,'" Eriksson said.

Keep up the good work boys. I can't wait until the article comes out.

Let's All Move to San Francisco

2006-04-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

The REAL news story that has been ignored during this newest Barry Bonds fiasco, is not that he is potentially facing criminal charges for perjury in the Balco case (http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/04/13/bonds.steroid/index.html), but that the city of San Francisco (& the entire Northern District of California for that matter) has apparantly rid itself of all federal crimes.

Why else would a US Attorney's office spend valuable time and taxpayer dollars trying to ensure that Barry Bonds' name gets an asterisks in the record book if they were still combatting-as according to their website-crimes such as computer hacking, accounting and securities fraud, narcotics trafficking, bank robbery, guns, violence, environmental crime, civil rights violations, and terrorist activities?

Since I can't imagine a government offical would ever exploit his office for political gains, it must be the case that there are no more guns, drugs, or suicide bombers in Northern CA.

Let's all give a round of applause for US Attorney Kevin Ryan for making the Northern District of CA the safest place on the planet.

Tax Freedom Day

2006-04-12T17:43:00.000-07:00

Larry Kudlow, one of Lt. Dan's favorite economists along with Art Laffer and Milton Friedman, states on the Real Clear Politics Blog (www.realclearpolitics.com/blog) that tax freedom day this year (the day when you have earned enough to pay your taxes) comes after 116 days. 116 days...think about that: that is nearly 4 months. That is 16.5 weeks. Assuming that you work a 40 hour week, that is 660 hours--660 hours that you work to fund such wonderful things as prayer research (see my prior posts), bridges to nowhere in Alaska, railroads to nowhere in Mississippi, and I'll let you fill in the rest.
Many members of congress run on their record of bringing home the bacon, i.e., funding pet projects in their state or district. If you vote for someone based on their ability to spend federal money, you are basically saying you enjoy working nearly 1/3 of your year for the government. Forgive me for being blunt, but I don't enjoy working for the government and I think that the congressmen and women who bring home the most bacon should also be the first one's voted out (whether they are Republicans or Democrats).
What sucks is that Republicans are spending money like Democrats did when they were in charge and Democrats are promising to raise taxes, perhaps to make us work a full 1/3 of our year for the government, if they are put back in charge. I vote in disgust for Republicans, at least right now, because they are the lesser of 2 evils. Hopefully one day enough people will speak up to change Republicans back to the smaller government party they used to be. Until then, Lt. Dan will continue to complain and urge others to do the same.

Taking a Bite Out of Crime

2006-04-10T14:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the AP for this interesting report.

TACOMA, Washington (AP)
Government lawyers tried to remove and confiscate the gold dental work known as "grills" or "grillz" from the mouths of two men facing drug charges.

Flenard T. Neal Jr. and Donald Jamar Lewis, charged with several drug and weapon violations, were taken on Tuesday from the Federal Detention Center to the U.S. Marshal's office, where they were told the government had a warrant to seize their grills.

Before being put into a vehicle to be taken to a dentist in Seattle, they called their lawyers, who were able to halt the seizure, said Miriam Schwartz, Neal's public defender. A permanent stay of the seizure order was signed Tuesday by U.S. Magistrate J. Kelley Arnold, court documents show.

Grills, popularized by rappers such as Nelly, are customized tooth caps made of precious metals and jewels and can cost thousands of dollars for a full set. Some can be snapped onto the teeth like an orthodontic retainer, and others are permanently bonded to the teeth.

Neal and Lewis have permanently bonded grills, their lawyers said, declining to provide more description.

Government lawyers who asked a federal judge on March 29 to order confiscation of the grills said they did not know the caps had been bonded to the defendants' teeth.

"Asset forfeiture is a fairly routine procedure, and our attorneys were under the impression that these snapped out like a retainer," said Emily Langlie, a spokeswoman for the U.S. attorney's office in Seattle.

Once the government understood that removal of the grills could damage the defendants' teeth, they abandoned the seizure attempt, she said.

I guess that's one more reason why it's not a good idea to get a nipple ring.

Phil's Hair

2006-04-09T21:21:00.000-07:00

Though I obviously respect the taste of Mrs. Lt. Dan I must defend Phil.

My defense consists of 3 pieces of information:
1) Please see the picture to the right of Amy Mickelson or Mrs. Phil Mickelson. In case you have a hard time seeing, she is quite an attractive lady. Seems like Phil is doing just fine with ladies in spite of his man-boobs and fratty hair.

2) After the Masters, Phil is ranked 2nd the World and gaining ground on the greatest golfer ever. If I were Phil I think I would keep the long hair as it seems to be working.

3) On Forbes list of celebrities income, Phil was ranked in the top 50 in 2005 with $26.8 million. I don't know about you but I'd wear just about any hairdo for $25 million plus.

So, with all respect to Mrs. Lt. Dan and the Lt. himself, if I were Phil I think I would keep my long hair as life can't really get too much better for Phil right now.

Comment on the Masters

2006-04-09T16:45:00.000-07:00

Since I am sure that he reads this blog, I want to personally congratulate Phil Mickelson for winning the Masters. He played a great last round and undoubtedly deserved to win. While I was cheering for Fred Couples, Phil was one of my other favorites.
I do have one suggestion for Phil, however. Now that he won hundreds of thousands of dollars, I hope that the first thing he does is GET A HAIRCUT. Hair hanging out the back of a baseball cap is fine on law students or high schoolers or just rednecks but not on a Master's champion. Mrs. Lt. Dan thinks that he was much hotter with short hair, and she has great taste in men considering she chose me.
In sum, congratulations Phil and, if you need a barber, I would be happy to recommend one.

Diversity or Lack Thereof

2006-04-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

First, I must admit that this post might not be to the liking of all but that shall not stop me. Today, I attended the University of Alabama Awards Ceremony. As a law student, I had no idea that this week was awards week but a friend of mine's little brother was receiving multiple awards so I was asked to attend. The beginning of the ceremony announced that this banquet was the biggest event of awards week and that the 4 big senior honor societies would be tapping new members. It didn't take me long to notice something quite odd about the inductees, which numbered between 25-50 per honor society (there were repeats). What I found odd was that I only noticed 1 African-American being inducted into any of the 4 societies. Though I did not count the entire time, if there was more than one African-American there was definitely less than 5. As I left what was quite a nice ceremony, I just thought about how far we still have to go with regards to race. I must admit that I am far from a liberal or a fan of affirmative action but I can't imagine that the so-called "4 biggest honor societies" on campus shouldn't have more than 1 or 2 African-Americans. By the way, these honor societies were not based on grades but rather on leadership and contributions to the University, which makes the absence of African-Americans even more staggering. Perhaps there is a minority honors event as well, but it still seems that in the 21st century we should be able to honor worthy individuals from all races at the same ceremony.

Name Changes

2006-04-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

Apparently, Bubba isn't the brightest light on the block and thus requested that I change my name from Shrimp Gumbo. He couldn't quite handle multiple Shrimp names. That said, I apologize to all our readers who have missed out on my blogging skills the last week. I know all 3 of you have been awaiting my next post and you will soon get one.

Best regards to tall,
The Paddle (formerly Shrimp Gumbo)

When Worlds Collide

2006-04-06T19:40:00.000-07:00

The latest inductees to "Bench & Bar" (one of the more prestigious "honor societies" here at the law school) were announced yesterday. While I don't personally fool around with such things, I couldn't help but notice that a number of my fellow Law Review monkeys were counted among the new membership. No surprise there, but the really interesting thing was that many of the fellow inductees were about as far removed from the LR set as you can possibly be w/o failing out of school.

Now, I know that LR is not necessarily the measure of how good/smart/successful a person is as a law student-but we all have to admit that the majority of the really successful law students are on LR (or some other journal). These are the same students that usually get selected for the honor societies. Hence my curiosity when I noticed the atypically diverse membership of Bench & Bar.

As it turns out, B&B admission is based on an elaborate point system designed to quantify how "involved" an applicant is at the law school. Involvement can obviously come in many forms. For example, one would earn copious points for being elected EIC, landing a spot on the moot court board, and earning "best paper" in Biz Org (or any other class). In all likelihood, these points would be enough to get onto B&B. However, there are other ways to get points. For example, points are also given for holding office in the SBA (see "the hangover", in comments), participating on the homecoming committee, and playing in the semi-annual poker tournament held at a bar downtown. Thus, it is quite possible to earn sufficient B&B points w/o ever coming close to the LR crowd.

The result is a very bipolar demographic. It seems that the only people excluded from this group are the normal students that neither invest all their time in a geeky pursuit like LR or Moot Court nor waste all their time piddling around in the SBA or other similarly flacid student organizations. In fact, if you diagrammed the continuum of law student types, you would see that B&B accepts members from both polar extremes, and no one in between. That's right - on the far right you have the LR super-dorks that earned their B&B points by getting elected to the managing board, and on the far left, you have the SBA senators who earned their points by posting campaign posters sporting photos of themselves passed out drunk at a keg party (not that that never happens at a LR party - we just don't brag about it...).

I can only imagine that the induction ceremony will be sort of like a scene from Animal House, where Bluto has lunch with the Omega crowd and sprays them with mashed potatoes.

Legal Hecklers

2006-04-06T15:10:00.000-07:00

I attended a baseball game earlier this week where, beyond watching a highly entertaining game, I had the additional treat of hearing a professional heckler. The guy had a response for everything that went on in the game: for strike outs he gave the usual "left, left, left, left, you suck" cheer; for pick offs that did not work he yelled "not even" and the other fans around him yelled "close;" and when the bases were loaded he loudly asked the pitcher if he felt surrounded.
This got me to thinking that court rooms really need professional hecklers. There should be at least 3: 1 supporting the Plaintiff, 1 supporting the Defendant, and 1 supporting the judge. Plaintiff's heckler could cheer for punitive damages; Defense's heckler would cheer for summary judgment; and the judge's heckler would cheer for a settlement. This is one way to get the public more involved and help them better understand the law. All of a sudden there would not be a boring witness. Each question would get some response from the hecklers.
Example: Plaintiff's attorney examining his own witness
Attorney: "Could you state your name for the record?"
P's Heckler: "I can see the money now. Can you say sympathetic witness?"
D's Heckler: "I wouldn't do that if I were you. By the time our lawyer gets done with you, you won't know what your name is anymore."
Judge's Heckler: "You better speak up. Judge holds quiet witnesses in contempt."
As you can see, every question would have commentary and excitement. These hecklers could be brought to any legal event: a deposition, arguing a motion, even initial conferences. Scholars are always looking for ways to reform and make law more accessible; legal hecklers would achieve both of these objectives and make mundane legal practice much more fun. If hecklers were to catch on who knows what might follow: hotdog vendors, beer on tap, 5$ programs? The possibilities are endless.

2006-04-05T16:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

Though I was initially hestitant to bring up the following topic, as it would surely cause a swarm of blog readers to overrun this site & potentially overload the server, Shrimp Boat felt that it was his duty to recognize & celebrate one of his favorite, yet universally underutilized punctuation marks, the Em-dash.

The Em-dash, or "that really long hyphen," is the swiss army knife of punctuation marks. As it can be used to set off words, phrases, clauses, or short sentences that clarify or elaborate the preceeding text, the Em-dash can be used to substitute for a colon, semicolon, or parenthese. But wait! That's not all! This little guy can even substitute for a comma and also the terms that is, namely, i.e., and e.g. Let the merrymaking commence!

Disclaimer: Management has instructed me worefrain from actually using an Em-dash in this post, as such excitement might be too much for our older viewers ( & I can't figure out how to do one). Cheers.

Worst Show on TV

2006-04-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Gilmore Girls is in a league of its own as far as bad TV. Some shows have good plots with bad actors; others have bad actors with good plots; this show has bad actors and a bad plot. The show revolves around the relationship between a mother and a daughter. The daughter goes to Yale (can you see how this is shaping up to be the typical American family already). The grandparents are old and very rich. They also don't like each other so they live in opposite wings of the house. Yes, I know what you are thinking: this sounds just like your grandparents.
While I am sure you are drawn in by the set up I have just described, what will really get you watching is the portrayal of emotion on the show. I have seen over 5 episodes (I would have preferred a root canal but dentists are closed when the show comes on; I am hoping that those 5 hours of my life will be credited against my time in purgatory).
In none of those episodes did I witness even a hint of real emotion. A typical exchange would go like this:
Daughter: Mom, I am thinking about dropping out of school.
Mom: Don't.
Grandfather: I also went to Yale and you should too.
Grandmother (dead pan with no facial expression or emotion): I hate you [grandfather's name].
Thrilling television. If you have done some egregious act, like committed a murder or voted for John Kerry or Al Gore, watch this show and I guarantee you will be granted at least partial absolution for your sins. Otherwise, I recommend the Home Shopping Network.

Free iPods for everyone...

2006-04-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have heard about this Birmingham iPod bonanza as well, and I think Mr. Boat is right - this is going a little overboard. You all know how it is with these big firms - it is one big game of follow the leader. Next year they will all be giving out iPods; it will be a standard part of the package.

When the 1Ls go into their OCIs, they will ask "If I am hired by your firm, how many gigabytes can I expect?" Lord knows it is better than the second-rate box of Hershey's I got at Christmas time...

Some Actually Useful Laws

2006-04-03T07:32:00.000-07:00

Here are some laws that come from the stack of e-mails I have from my dad. While most people will understand all of them, the only one that lawyers or future lawyers will understand is the "Law of Logical Argument" (4th from the bottom).

UNIVERSAL LAWS
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get abusy signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work becauseyou had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know whatyou are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

The Race to the Bottom

2006-04-02T18:12:00.000-07:00

In the never ending quest to convince lawstudents across the land that their firm is the best place to work, it has come to Shrimp Boat's attention that a certain Birmingham firm will be giving their summer associates IPODs. I don't know about the rest of you, but nothing says "Top Notch Law Firm" like free IPODs.

I'm not sure which is sadder, the attempt to get recruits by handing out portable music devices or the fact that I am pissed I'm not going to get one.

Why We Came to Law School

2006-04-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

In Ethics the other day, our topic was a lawyer's duty to disclose information that is adverse to his client's interest. As an example, the professor brought in a pair of scissors covered in BBQ sauce to simulate a murder weapon with dried blood on it (I thought it looked like less like blood and more like something else that comes out of the body but that is irrelevant).
He took the scissors and placed them in front of a student and said, "I have just killed someone, here is the bloody murder weapon. The cops will be here in 20 minutes. You are my lawyer, what do you do?" The student responded jokingly that if he was not his lawyer he would tell the professor to wash the scissors off and get rid of them.
The professor then said, tongue-in-cheek, "So you are telling me that you came to law school to get dumber and lose your common sense?"

More on your boy Bonds

2006-04-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

Lt Dan's recent post on Barry Bonds got me thinking - and I wonder, does anybody actually think that Bonds doesn't use steroids? I remember when Bonds rookied. He and Bobby Bonilla were the east-coast counterpoint to west-coast bash brothers Conseco and McGuire. And I vividly remember that Bonds was the least exciting player in that group of four -in fact, the only reason he seemed to get any attention was because his daddy was a famous ballplayer.

Now, I sort of quit following ball while I was in college (too busy studying around the clock - yeah right) and picked it back up later. Imagine my surprise when I learned that BB was not only still playing, but that he was now a major star (I was also shocked that Boggs and Clemens both played for the Yanks late in life, that Paul Molitor was allowed to continue playing, and that Rickey Henderson was still alive - but that is beyond the scope of this post). I was also surprised to note that Bonds had nearly doubled in size. Observe below:

Barry Bonds - Early 1990's

Please remember that he was already a full grown man in both of these pictures - its not like these were taken in high school or anything... I know people can change over time, but let's be reasonable

Barry Bonds Today

I have used creatine, andro, and other legal substances, I have spent most of my life playing sports and training regularly, and I have had some good friends give in to the temptation of steroids - I can say from personal experience and observation that this kind of change just doesn't happen naturally - even if you work out like a champ.

I wholeheartedly agree w/ Lt. Dan, the investigation is long overdue... Unless, of course, you would prefer the approach of the bodybuilding world. We could have a "regular" baseball league, and an "all natural" league where the players are the size of real people. I guess the choice is really up to us - the fans.

An Honest Judge

2006-04-01T15:40:00.000-08:00

For those of you interested in clerking after school, you should definitely consider Judge Arnold D. Spatt, Federal District Court judge in Central Islip, New York. While I have never met him nor been to Central Islip, I am pretty sure that he is honest, perhaps to a fault.
His listing on the Federal Law Clerk Information System under the "Additional Selection Criteria" category states "At least 1 year of post law school experience required. Hours are M-F 7am-7pm, Saturdays 9am-5pm."
That is 68 hours a week. Probably great preparation for a big firm job. In fact, a big firm job might be a relief after this clerkship.

A Reason We Need Lawyers

2006-03-31T17:48:00.000-08:00

Driving down the road, listening to the radio and a car dealership commercial comes on. Before the actual commercial starts you hear that familiar, yet unintelligible blurb: "Tax, title, license, fees blah blah blah." A guy has just read a full page single spaced disclaimer about the commercial you are going to hear in under 3 seconds.
I swell with pride every time I hear such a commercial knowing that some lawyer somewhere came up with this brilliant way to give the public full disclosure about the coming commercial. It also ensures that people who can speak 100 words a second are paid handsomely for their skills. Lawyers: looking out for your best interests, even when you can't understand a word that is said.

Greatest footnotes of all times

2006-03-31T14:17:00.000-08:00

There are some great footnotes out there - and I am not just talking about the seminal due process footnote in United States v. Carolene Products, 304 U.S. 144, 152 n.4 (1938).

For those of you who have yet to see these gems, you absolutely must check out the greatest footnotes in modern jurisprudence:

United States v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857, 859 n.1 (7th Cir. 2005).*

In re King, No. 05-56485-c (U.S. Bankr. Ct. W.D. Tex. Feb. 21, 2006) (order denying motion for incomprehensibility) (note 1).**

*Sorry there is no link to this one, but if you aren't in a position to look this up, you probably wouldn't appreciate it anyhow...

** Thanks to "Nye!" at YCGAFBA for this one

E-mail of the Day

2006-03-31T10:33:00.000-08:00

My dad receives a voluminous amount of email every day from one of my other relatives. While sorting through it, he forwards what he considers the good email on to me. This usually consists of between 5 and 10 emails a day, most of which are at least mildly amusing. Because I have a plethora of old email from him, I thought that I would pass them along to you from time to time.

Without further ado, here is today's nugget of joy:

"Slipped Out"

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through, the wife leans over and says:
"I just slipped out a silent fart - what do you think I should do?"

The husband replies:
"Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Allow ourselves to introduce... ourselves...

2006-03-31T07:24:00.000-08:00

Well, since we have just sort of jumped right into this blogging thing without much by way of introduction, I thought now would be a good time to let our readers (both of them) know what to expect from us. Here are some basics:

(1) We are all law students at a school in Alabama - If you read this blog at all, I'm sure you can figure out which one...

(2) We all have pretty conservative views, and intent to use this blog as a forum to discuss them - however we will be glad to entertain any contrary (i.e. Pinko) views that you wish to advance in the comments section

(3) We intend to remain anonymous (hence the Groom pseudonyms) - if you read this blog and you think that you have figured us out, please keep it to yourself so that we can pretend that nobody knows

(4) Our content will not be restricted to any particular theme or topic - you can some expect serious entries, some entirely frivolous entries, some dealing with substantive points of law that we find interesting, and some just poking fun of people and/or things (what you will not find are cutesy-putesy posts with headings like "Law School is Like a Box of Chocolates...")

(5) Anyone is free to comment on this blog free from censorship - provided you refrain from profane or outright slanderous language

(6) We are not bitter people (moderately disgruntled sometimes, but not bitter), so don't expect a lot of posts about how much we think law school sucks. I don't suggest that we all love law school all the time, but bitching is just not what we are all about. Call us gunners, call us a bunch of dorks, we don't care - law school just aint that bad. If you are looking for a pity party, there are plenty of those law school blogs out there... (See e.g. Law Bitches; The Bitter Law Student; and Barely Legal)

Prayer Study in the NY Times

2006-03-30T20:12:00.000-08:00

The NY Times just posted a story entitled "Long Awaited Medical Study Questions the Power of Prayer." The paper described the study thus:

"In the study, the researchers monitored 1,802 patients at six hospitals who received coronary bypass surgery, in which doctors reroute circulation around a clogged vein or artery.
The patients were broken into three groups. Two were prayed for; the third was not. Half the patients who received the prayers were told that they were being prayed for; half were told that they might or might not receive prayers.
The researchers asked the members of three congregations — St. Paul's Monastery in St. Paul; the Community of Teresian Carmelites in Worcester, Mass.; and Silent Unity, a Missouri prayer ministry near Kansas City — to deliver the prayers, using the patients' first names and the first initials of their last names.
The congregations were told that they could pray in their own ways, but they were instructed to include the phrase, "for a successful surgery with a quick, healthy recovery and no complications."
Analyzing complications in the 30 days after the operations, the researchers found no differences between those patients who were prayed for and those who were not.
In another of the study's findings, a significantly higher number of the patients who knew that they were being prayed for — 59 percent — suffered complications, compared with 51 percent of those who were uncertain. The authors left open the possibility that this was a chance finding. But they said that being aware of the strangers' prayers also may have caused some of the patients a kind of performance anxiety."

Well, I am convinced. I will never pray again because of this study, and I certainly won't tell people I am praying for them because I don't want to make them sicker. I mean I only prayed in the first place because I thought that faith was scientifically verifiable and that there was no supernatural being that could act on people in ways we don't understand. If God won't intervene in instances where people are told by researchers to pray for other people for the purposes of proving that prayer works, when will he intervene? It takes a lot of faith and requires a lot of sincerity and deep belief to pray for people when you are told to pray for them by 3rd parties.
Could somebody please explain what the purpose of this study could possibly be? We can't pin God in a box and force him to heal certain people for the purposes of a scientific study. Any mature person of faith would tell you that. If we could, then why not just do studies like this all the time with every person in the world? If the study had come out the other way, I seriously doubt that the Times would have proclaimed that God acts when we pray; instead they would almost certainly have stated that one study seems to show that prayer works but that it hardly proves anything except that when people believe God will help their belief influences their healing. Somehow God would lose either way and the study would end up signifying nothing. If the results aren't going to be believed either way, why conduct such a useless study in the first place?
This study was privately funded, but did you catch the line in the story that said " The government has spent more than $2.3 million on prayer research since 2000." I thought that there was an insurmountable wall between church and state? So how come the government is funding research that is trying to prove or disprove prayer? Must be a pretty low wall. I am so proud that my tax dollars are going to fund such laudable research. I would pray that it is successful but the studies haven't shown that my prayers would do any good.

Shrimp Boat's Law School Quote of the Day

2006-03-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

Student: Professor, can we have a floating exam?

Professor: I don't know; I've never given a floating exam before.

Student: Don't worry, we'll be very gentle since its your first time.

Recruiting Lessons

2006-03-30T18:22:00.000-08:00

Though I do not pretend to be an expert on sports, I have come to the conclusion that I know more about basketball than Mark Gottfried and more about football than Mike Shula. Well, maybe not more about the sports, but more about recruiting. If I were the coach of either team, I would make a mandatory requirement for recruiting.
For basketball, I would promise not to recruit anyone who cannot dribble. I don't care if this high school great with tons of "upside" is 7 feet and can jump out of the gym, he must be able to dribble and pass. On this year's Alabama team, I was forced to watch our team play with 2 of 7 scholarship players who cannot dribble (Brock and Felix). This has been bugging me for a while so I thought I would vent.
For football, I would promise not to recruit wide receivers who cannot catch the football. I don't care if a guy runs a sub 4.0 forty, it doesn't matter how open he is if he can't catch. I'll take the 4.7 forty with great hands any day even if he doesn't have "upside." Possession receivers ala Hicks Poor and Chad Key are always good to have on a team.

Marriage and TV: the Vows Need Amending

2006-03-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

During college, while I was single, I watched what I wanted on TV. This usually consisted Sportscenter for at least 3 hours in the morning, the Simpsons in the afternoon, and some sort of sporting event in the evening. I was happy and ESPN was selling ads at a premium price because it stayed on my TV for most of the day.
When I got married, all that changed. I really think that wedding vows should be amended to be "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, through chick flicks and the OC, until death do us part." Maybe I just missed it, but I was blind sided by just how much my TV viewing habits would change.
I am now hooked on Desperate Housewives: have never missed an episode. I have also seen every episode of Gray's Anatomy. To avoid watching the OC, One Tree Hill, and Gilmore Girls (the absolute worst show on television; there will be a separate post about that later), I am forced to leave my own living room.
Gone are the days of College basketball, baseball, and football whenever I wanted to watch them. This is not to say that I would give up my wife to get my TV freedom back (I would give up TV for good if she wanted me to); I just wish that I had been warned in advance about the change.
So single guys, I hope you enjoy watching those Thursday night football games and random college basketball games. There is some woman out there who will take them away from you one day and replace them with shows that feature giggling teenagers, college kids, and shallow plot lines. Prepare yourselves. You have been warned.

Time for Bush to go over the media's head

2006-03-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Perusing the headlines lately, I have become convinced that Bush is Hitler, Cheney eats babies, I am going to melt next week due to global warming, and that within a week Iraq's "civil war" is going to cause the South to secede from the union again. Does anybody else think the media is slightly overheated and has already chosen sides for the mid term elections this year? If I didn't know better (in other words, if they didn't tell me how objective they are), I would swear that they are intent on defeating Bush next fall even though he is not running.
To counter this, it is time for Bush to do what past presidents have done to rally the American people: go over the media's head by talking directly to the public. He should give more press conferences and speeches where he can explain, without the media's editorial remarks or distorting headlines, what he believes and why he should be supported. Reagan, Nixon, and Roosevelt did it; if it can work for them, it can work for Bush. While he is not the most articulate person and tends to invent words, he is genuine and passionate when he speaks and people respond to that. They don't say the president has the bully pulpit for nothing; it is time for Bush to use it to push back against a media eager for his, and his party's, defeat.

Investigating Barry Bonds: Its about Time

2006-03-30T16:44:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is that it is about time. He should have been investigated years ago. Bonds saying he does not use steroids is like when the media tries to say that it is not biased or when you read at the top of the New York Times that it is "All the News that is Fit to Print": anybody who is paying any attention at all knows it just ain't true.
A few years ago Pete Rose was kicked out of baseball because of gambling on games and, because of the passage of time, he will never be in the baseball hall of fame. No one challenges that his records and statistics are not 100% real; in other words, when he was on the field, it was his talent and his hard work that resulted in an amazing career. I won't argue that he made poor choices in gambling, I just ask how he could be kicked out of baseball and kept out of the hall of fame for gambling and Barry Bonds can be allowed to continue to play year after year and come close to owning one of the most coveted records in baseball (the career home run record) without even a serious investigation into whether he was using steroids? The rumors have been floating around for years and he is as big as the side of a house, yet baseball has never bothered to seriously check into whether he was using steroids or not. While I can't predict the outcome of the investigation, I have a feeling that it won't vindicate Barry.
Should he be found to have used steroids, it will be interesting to see what the MLB does. It took them years to get up enough guts to investigate him; if that investigation reveals that he used steroids, how long will it take baseball to punish him? Will they have the guts to impose a proper punishment? If he did use steroids and there is any justice he will be kept out of the hall of fame and his name will be expunged from the ranks of Aaron and Ruth, two players who did not need steroids to hit 700 home runs. Baseball wouldn't do any favors for Pete Rose; it certainly shouldn't do any for Barry Bonds.

Ola

2006-03-30T15:15:00.000-08:00

I may not be a smart man, but I know what blogging is.

Sexism

2006-03-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

Glad to you allowed the token female to join.

Our Patron Saint

2006-03-28T14:31:00.000-08:00